this is becoming a pattern.
since when did saturdays become synonymous with emptiness, spontaneous crying and longing?
seriously man, there's too much shit happening around me and within.
i shouldn't have to deal with suicide, relapse and auto-asphyxiation. even when they're all of the emotional variety and not actually happening.
and it's not helping that the things that are supposed to make me happy aren't.
as much as i'm looking forward to Batizado, it's making me worry if i'll measure up to what my seniors can do, and have done, after i get my cord.
and how can love hurt when it's not real?
perhaps because somewhere deep inside me, i've already resigned myself to the fact that this one, like all my crushes before, will pass, leaving me to wade blindly through this ephemeral mist that, even though it is weightless, crushes me like the weight of the world.
even though i think this one will be different.
like how i thought all those that came before would be different, and they failed all the same.
at least i still have Capoeira to preserve my (in)sanity. and awesome friends.
and i'm meeting bestbro tomorrow! there's so much we haven't said and shared.
get ready for a lame-ass Sunday afternoon, Ben!
fools on parade cavort and carry on; to waiting eyes...
oh darling, won't you come save me from myself, complete my ABCs.
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